We returned home with out incident. Thankfully, we weren't harmed in the treacherous weather. Distances covered, meals eaten, moments shared. My hubby has such a large loving family. It is very clear that they all do really care about each other. It is so refreshing and healing even to be accepted into such a loving bunch of folks. That said, of course they drove me crazy - I think that's the big wonderful sign that makes it clear this is family. We were ready to return home to our own bed and home. Poor hubby was sick with something different than what me and the boy had. I fear I have it now. I was never this sick before having a baby. Who knew having a kiddo could be so hazardous to your health?
We left one rain storm and returned to another. And now I am quite literally and figuratively, under the weather. I hope the little boy doesn't get this one. Or anyone else for that matter - it's a doozie.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Thursday, May 22, 2008
great things
Well, the boy and I are back to health -finally! Now the mister is down with the crud. Yeesh. This cold is like a bad penny that keeps turning up everywhere. Nothing makes me more grateful for my overall health than being sick.
I am minutes away from an afternoon at the spa. A Mother's Day gift from my hubby. Aaahhh. Recuperation. I love nothing more than being pampered. A massage, a facial, a pedicure. My own little heaven on earth. And the timing is just right. Recovering from the snot inducing ick and right before a Memorial Day road trip out to the Great Plains.
More great things: I just, as I am typing this, received this in the mail. I ordered it Tuesday. I was hoping to get it before we left. And I did. I hope the little boy likes it! He hasn't cut his first tooth yet but has been relentlessly working on it for weeks.
The goodness is just pouring in! I have so much to be grateful for and to look forward to! How about a list?
I am minutes away from an afternoon at the spa. A Mother's Day gift from my hubby. Aaahhh. Recuperation. I love nothing more than being pampered. A massage, a facial, a pedicure. My own little heaven on earth. And the timing is just right. Recovering from the snot inducing ick and right before a Memorial Day road trip out to the Great Plains.
More great things: I just, as I am typing this, received this in the mail. I ordered it Tuesday. I was hoping to get it before we left. And I did. I hope the little boy likes it! He hasn't cut his first tooth yet but has been relentlessly working on it for weeks.
The goodness is just pouring in! I have so much to be grateful for and to look forward to! How about a list?
- did I mention that I'm getting a massage!?
- a facial
- and a pedicure (okay, not to rub it in but I am soooo excited! It's been a long time!)
- eating meals with both of my hands while loved ones hold our dear little one
- seeing new places
- hanging out with loved ones
- having people eager to watch the little one
- me and hubby having time alone
- maybe seeing a movie (the mister has been dying to see the new Indiana Jones movie)
- sitting in the dark
- holding hands
- eating popcorn
- new cool sheets (referring to style and temperature)
- my little boy is rolling over now sniff, sniff
- I finally got on the recycling bandwagon - we should get our bins next week (it's about time)
Have a great Memorial Day weekend Bloggies!
Friday, May 16, 2008
day four
Baby still sick. Some joy and playfulness returning - between bouts of coughs, cries and flailing limbs (I think he's practicing for toddler temper tantrums). I'm starting to think this cold has replaced my little boys insides with snot. Seriously, it's like Niagara Falls out of his nose. Poor guy. The good news...I'm sick now too. So I can improve my empathy skills and immune system at the same time. There's no rest for the wicked.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
unhappy baby
A sick little fuss-pot of a boy. An experiment in patience and sleep deprivation. When I dreamed of parenthood I imagined myself much more saint like in these situations and in my head the common cold didn't last this long. Also I had the power to cure coughing with sheer momma love. Apparently, I haven't quite developed those powers yet. As I wait for them to develop I have been mindful of self talk. Replacing thoughts like "I can't do this" and "I didn't sign up for this" with things like "this won't last forever" and "some day I'll really miss this" or "whatever you need to do little boy (cry between coughs for hours on end in the wee of the night and then refuse to go back to sleep), momma loves you" "I'm here".
I've also been telling myself that this is not a form of psychological warfare but it is a test of endurance, strength and love. Thankfully, hubby and I are still on the same team - we haven't turned on each other yet...hopefully, we can outlast the common cold.
I've also been telling myself that this is not a form of psychological warfare but it is a test of endurance, strength and love. Thankfully, hubby and I are still on the same team - we haven't turned on each other yet...hopefully, we can outlast the common cold.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
bright new day
What a gorgeous day outside! A grey soggy day yesterday gives way to bright greens and soft earth. The lilacs are all in bloom. Heavenly scents in the air.
The little boy is recovering from a cold. He sounds worse, lots of coughing but I think he's on the up and up. Yesterday was rough. The night before he barfed in our bed - twice. We only have two pairs of sheets right now. Of course after changing from the first barf into our clean sheets, he barfed again. I spent the night before last sleeping with him in our recliner. Last night's sleep was one of those where bombs could have gone off and not waken me up. It is amazing how much a change in weather and a good nights rest changes my outlook.
The little boy is recovering from a cold. He sounds worse, lots of coughing but I think he's on the up and up. Yesterday was rough. The night before he barfed in our bed - twice. We only have two pairs of sheets right now. Of course after changing from the first barf into our clean sheets, he barfed again. I spent the night before last sleeping with him in our recliner. Last night's sleep was one of those where bombs could have gone off and not waken me up. It is amazing how much a change in weather and a good nights rest changes my outlook.
Monday, May 12, 2008
cherry tree
I stand under this tree and listen to a life force beyond words. A secret part of myself has been waiting for this all year. This incredible thing that only lasts a handful of days each year. Bees, bees bustling buzzing working bees. For a few hours every morning this tree full of beautiful blossoms becomes a buzzing life force. I love to stand below the blossoms and just listen. The buzz is so subtle yet once you've heard it and really taken it in - it cannot be forgotten or described. The sound of hundreds of little workers all in one tree, just inches above my ears. It is just incredible. Then as the days pass slowly the petals begin to fall and its a different sort of magic. Beautiful petals floating in the air around me as I head out into my day. Flowering trees. An unexpected blessing of beauty and life that returns every year.
In a few more weeks we will have cherry pie!
Thursday, May 8, 2008
transparency
It has been some time since I've been around here. I have been having an identity crisis, as a blogger. And it has been paralyzing. Hence, the lack of posts around here lately. It's been going on for sometime now. Since I started blogging. I even think maybe before then...I spent lots of time thinking about how I wanted to present myself out there in the world wide web. I have yet to come up with anything solid that my inner critic hasn't gaffed at. It's been especially bad that last week of April. I started a few entries but everything sounded whiny. I hate it when I sound pathetic and writing that sounds even worse. But alas, the only way out is through and for me that means spoiling it all and coming clean. Owning up and telling you about it.
So, here's how I struggle - or rather how I would like to present myself. I would like to be seen as someone who mostly has it all together, but at the same time is interesting, funny but not disrespectful, creative, moving forward, accomplished (not quite sure what that would look like), open and exciting. The funny part is that I am all of those things - I suppose I have a lot of self judgement about what and how I write. It needs to sound "good" (again, what does that mean exactly?) From here on out I am giving myself permission to no longer worry about this. I am going to have faith that it will all come out in the wash. I don't control how others see me. And trying makes me a little crazy and takes a lot of time but doesn't accomplish much.
It's curious struggling with identity - with how I want others to perceive me. It happens in real life too - In real life it shows up as a wardrobe crisis, in which nothing I own seems to express the way I want to be presented. I can find fault with any and all of my outfits - and so I must try them all on. The especially curious thing about a blogger identity crisis: I am completely anonymous. The www doesn't know me from Eve. In one way that could be very liberating but for me mostly it's resulted in a writer's paralysis in which nothing I say sounds right. And I wonder about what I need to say and how I need to say it. Then I forgot entirely what I started blogging for. I'm starting to think, in part it was to figure some of this stuff out.
I don't think I'm going to start airing all my dirty laundry out here on the net but I do think I will share more and worry less about how it's received. I appreciate readers and by trying to sound a certain way, I'm really robbing you of a more authentic me - and therefore robbing myself of real feedback from you. It's refreshing to see others' flaws and imperfections. I feel less alone and I can learn more about how to walk with my imperfections with grace. So here I go and maybe in the end they'll say, "no one could slip and fall quite as beautifully as she could".
So, here's how I struggle - or rather how I would like to present myself. I would like to be seen as someone who mostly has it all together, but at the same time is interesting, funny but not disrespectful, creative, moving forward, accomplished (not quite sure what that would look like), open and exciting. The funny part is that I am all of those things - I suppose I have a lot of self judgement about what and how I write. It needs to sound "good" (again, what does that mean exactly?) From here on out I am giving myself permission to no longer worry about this. I am going to have faith that it will all come out in the wash. I don't control how others see me. And trying makes me a little crazy and takes a lot of time but doesn't accomplish much.
It's curious struggling with identity - with how I want others to perceive me. It happens in real life too - In real life it shows up as a wardrobe crisis, in which nothing I own seems to express the way I want to be presented. I can find fault with any and all of my outfits - and so I must try them all on. The especially curious thing about a blogger identity crisis: I am completely anonymous. The www doesn't know me from Eve. In one way that could be very liberating but for me mostly it's resulted in a writer's paralysis in which nothing I say sounds right. And I wonder about what I need to say and how I need to say it. Then I forgot entirely what I started blogging for. I'm starting to think, in part it was to figure some of this stuff out.
I don't think I'm going to start airing all my dirty laundry out here on the net but I do think I will share more and worry less about how it's received. I appreciate readers and by trying to sound a certain way, I'm really robbing you of a more authentic me - and therefore robbing myself of real feedback from you. It's refreshing to see others' flaws and imperfections. I feel less alone and I can learn more about how to walk with my imperfections with grace. So here I go and maybe in the end they'll say, "no one could slip and fall quite as beautifully as she could".
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