I'm sure I've had the feeling before; whenever the little boy is in pain. But the other day at the library I had the most visceral experience of it. And I don't care to have it again. Ever.
The little boy was playing outside of a playhouse. Peaking in on other children, his own game of peek-a-boo. Only, the other children didn't like it. They were older and my little boy was interrupting their play. Go Away. One of the older boys stated. And then my little boy fell onto his bottom. And cried. Maybe my boy was pushed, either way my heart was broken. Not for the pushing or hurt bottom...no, no. My boy has and will continue to do his fair share of shoving. But for the rejection. Gasp. I had a glimpse into a fact that we all face. And I do not want to face it for my little love. We all get rejected. My little boy was over it in a matter of seconds. I however am still dealing with the fact that part of my job will be to witness his rejections and heartache. I just don't want it to happen. Ever. Bumps, bruises - they are part of life. Broken hearts, I know they are too. It's just incomprehensible because I am his momma. Who would ever want to reject my sweet, beautiful little boy?
Okay, enough gushing. I'm almost over it for now.
On a positive note, I recently spoke with my dear and talented artist friend. I got a little pep talk on the paintings. Hence my tenacity. Yes, I'm still painting. And the good news is that it's gotten better. Maybe even the paintings too - maybe not. But my feelings about the process have improved. Feelings in the art world, it turns out are no different from the rest of life...they pass and move on. So I'm happy to say that through the uncomfortable feelings, the ones that create the chatter and demons that tell me I should just quit, I kept going. I kept painting. I'm on my way to making friends with those pests. They didn't stop me this time!
No comments:
Post a Comment