home again, home again

In preparing to go out of town, I always do my best to get everything in order and cleaned up at home. I thought that's what I spent all day Friday doing...what happened? I don't think I've ever done so much laundry in my life! My house is a wreck!

It was a much needed break from the norm. It was wonderful to spend time with family. There were so many loving people around who were dying to hold the little one. For the first time in weeks, maybe months I ate a meal with the use of both of my hands! Now, it's back to the grind.

in transition

I haven't been spending as much time around here as usual. Our little family has been making some changes and I've been keeping busy. The mister started his new job - but ended up keeping his old one too, for a little while anyway. So needless to say, I haven't seen much of him around here and I sure do miss that man of mine!

In his absence, I've been preparing for this weekend - we have a little family road trip to the Western Slope. I don't think I've been preparing very well however. None of the laundry has been put away and the house is in it's usual state of disarray. What have I been up to?

Visited with a friend and had a dinner and movie night. Visited with this fabulous woman, friend and local artist Oh, I did remove a tree stump in my backyard on Tuesday - that sounds productive anyway. And I completed a new sculpture, it just needs to be fired. I picked up some paint for our kitchen but haven't gotten around to actually painting. I'm pretty sure I ran into an ex-boyfriend while I was at the store but we both just kept walking.

Sigh. I wish I was a little more brave and then could have said hi to confirm that it was indeed him. In his defense, I didn't have glasses or a baby since the last time I saw him - I'm not sure I'd recognize me. We didn't end on a bad note - maybe a sad one. Which is probably why I wanted to see how he was - if it was him. Oh well. I did promise myself that I will now make a prompt and friendly strike when seeing people I know instead of being shy and awkward - I'm gonna try outgoing and awkward. Subsequently, I've already honked and waved at a woman on the street that I didn't know. Sheesh. Sometimes, I just can't win.

Alright, so I've put off the inevitable long enough. There is laundry to be put away, clothes to pack, a pooch to drop off and a nice little get away to take. I'm hoping to take lots of pictures.

Signing off til next week! Have a great weekend blog world!

more mornings

We drift in and out of slumber for an hour, me and my little one. The whole bed to ourselves. The mister has started his new job and the house still feels empty without him in the mornings. The boy rubs his eyes and stretches his arms as wide as he can. He looks to one side and then back to me and smiles. Ah, had I never known anything of goodness, surely this is it. His eyes slowly close as he drifts back to sleep. I hope for another half hour but know I'll only get fifteen. I wake minutes later to find that he's managed to kick the covers off of him and has found his feet. He's aiming for his mouth but hasn't quite made it yet. He nurses some and drifts back off. We do this for the better part of an hour before getting out of bed.

The house is quiet and outside the temperature is noticeably cooler than yesterday. Today we continue in our new schedule and I will leave the boy to go to work. He will be in the good and loving hands of a very dear friend. We are so blessed to not have to put him in daycare. Today used to be the mister's day with the boy. I know that has been one of the most difficult things for my hubby in this transition. The boy is especially joyful in the mornings. (I'm still wondering how me and the mister created a morning person.)

However, he seems less patient this morning. His usual joys seem to not be holding his attention as long. He is quicker to vocalize his dismay. I think it is his teeth and our new schedule. He goes down earlier than usual for his morning nap. His dreams bring beautiful little smiles to his face and chuckles. I'm completely smitten.

mornings

I sit and drink my coffee listening to my husband's sweet voice singing "good morning" to our precious little one. The house is cluttered with our things, the most obvious in first observation is the bouncy chair, the jumpy chair, the high chair and stuffed toys. Upon closer observation the more subtle and adult clutter comes into view, a box filled with paints and brushes, fired clay heads from a recent self imposed exercise, baseball caps, socks and shoes, yarn, a pile of paperwork here, some mail and bills over there. Sometimes our little house can feel too cozy.

I wake this morning to gray skies and green grass. I have phone calls to make, bills to pay, reports for work, the house clearly could use some tidying up - the trappings of adult responsibility, but all I can think of is baking cupcakes and shopping for new sheets.

Our mornings are slow and unambitious. Our late and long sleep habits leave us drowsy and floating through the afternoon. It's a sort of heaven, if heaven was cluttered and unswept. I have learned to stop listening to the critical voice inside my head, the one that tells me I should be getting more done. Instead, I work to appreciate what is. I daydream about perfect days and then look at what needs to be done to bring those things into reality. This of course all applies to domestic life. Creatively, I'm much less Zen.

I know that my hubby will struggle to change his schedule with his new job. We will all miss the aimless mornings we're accustomed to. It's funny how much easier it is to appreciate things when it's clear they are only temporary. The reality is, it's all temporary and every day is a gift.

the thick of living and the objects we love

Celebration! Hubby got the job! He found out on April Fool's day. So far as we know it wasn't an April Fool's joke. I am looking forward to adapting to a new schedule in our family - one in which we go to bed before midnight and are up before 10. Yeah, we've been sleeping like a bunch of college freshman in this house and that's gonna end soon.

I am hoping (and have been for a very long time) that we will be looking to get a new couch. It occurs to me suddenly though, all of the history we have with the old one. It's just a hand me down futon from the Mister's parents. They had it for years and I would prefer to not think about what they have done on that couch. But I love to reminisce about me and my man; first awkward kisses, cuddling on snowy days, naps in the sun. My baby boy was almost born on that couch - we had him in our hallway instead - but we rested for the very first time and cuddled and nuzzled as a family on that couch right afterwards. (In the couch's defense, my placenta was born on the couch. Someday, I'll have to share our amazing birth story.)

our couch with all our animals on board

I dream of a nice new couch - one that doesn't have a slip cover to hide the holes and stains, a couch whose pillows are new and fluffy instead of lumping and thinning. One that we get to pick instead of one we take because we need it. But I must admit that as we get closer to this goal, I am sad to think about not having our old trusting friend whose stains and imperfection hold our stories and history. sigh. I felt the same way when I gave up my purple chair. It was the first piece of "real" furniture I bought on my own. It was over the top huge and purple and I loved it.

I am fascinated and fond of the objects in our lives. The ones that we generally ignore but always prefer. I especially like to know about people's favorite coffee cup. You know the one you pick every morning. And that one morning it's not available for whatever reason, you suddenly have this hunch that it's not going to be a very good day.

On a different subject, my little boy who is 5 months old is wearing 12 month clothes. I have a ginormous baby. He is big and beautiful. I get sad about giving up my favorite outfits that he can no longer wear too. It's a sort of wonderful little melancholy, to know that things must change and that everything is changing for the better but to still be a little sad and miss the way things were. It's really a wonderful place to be. In the thick of living and appreciating the journey.

a late valentine post

Who knew marriage was so much work? When I was a little girl dreaming of the perfect, romantic relationship (rose petals and all that) I dreamed of an easy push and pull between me and my perfect guy. I'd like to declare that I did indeed end up with the perfect guy, I'm finding out however, that even the perfect guy still takes a lot of work. It's difficult to be in a relationship and not be able to find the right words. I find myself feeling sensitive and taking everything personal. Then I respond from a place of defense, aiming right where I know it's not too defensive but still not on the road of "working it out". Last night was one of those nights.

I must say that me and my guy have gotten so much better about figuring things out since the beginning of our relationship. We talk more and share more, it seems like it doesn't take us as long to come to a place of understanding. It is far off from what that little girl imagined. She imagined blow out fights, yelling and walking away - only so that the making up was that much more sappy and romantic. I had some pretty interesting ideas about what a relationship was as a kid. As a kiddo, I always imagined being "right" and Mr. Right just needing some time to figure that out before he came crawling back with flowers and candlelight. And while I love romance, that stuff I daydreamed about doesn't really do much to build intimacy. Of course coming from a place of being right and making the other person wrong is bound to end up in misery. Problems are usually way more complicated than that. And who likes to be wrong and have that pointed out in an unloving, stubborn sort of way by the person they're spending the rest of their life with? It's no wonder that when I enter into conflict with dear hubby coming from that place it doesn't go very well. As I found time after time, last night no exception, it works much better when I can put my ego aside and remember that I love this man dearly (no matter how much of an egghead he's being).

So that's my long saga. Today, I am grateful for my relationship with my man. It seems to reflect all the scary, difficult stuff. It also gives me a safe place to land and a place to nurture the best in me - sometimes it's a struggle, but who better to struggle through it with me, than my best friend? (I'm tearing up a little now, and realizing that that is the stuff of romance!)