a late valentine post

Who knew marriage was so much work? When I was a little girl dreaming of the perfect, romantic relationship (rose petals and all that) I dreamed of an easy push and pull between me and my perfect guy. I'd like to declare that I did indeed end up with the perfect guy, I'm finding out however, that even the perfect guy still takes a lot of work. It's difficult to be in a relationship and not be able to find the right words. I find myself feeling sensitive and taking everything personal. Then I respond from a place of defense, aiming right where I know it's not too defensive but still not on the road of "working it out". Last night was one of those nights.

I must say that me and my guy have gotten so much better about figuring things out since the beginning of our relationship. We talk more and share more, it seems like it doesn't take us as long to come to a place of understanding. It is far off from what that little girl imagined. She imagined blow out fights, yelling and walking away - only so that the making up was that much more sappy and romantic. I had some pretty interesting ideas about what a relationship was as a kid. As a kiddo, I always imagined being "right" and Mr. Right just needing some time to figure that out before he came crawling back with flowers and candlelight. And while I love romance, that stuff I daydreamed about doesn't really do much to build intimacy. Of course coming from a place of being right and making the other person wrong is bound to end up in misery. Problems are usually way more complicated than that. And who likes to be wrong and have that pointed out in an unloving, stubborn sort of way by the person they're spending the rest of their life with? It's no wonder that when I enter into conflict with dear hubby coming from that place it doesn't go very well. As I found time after time, last night no exception, it works much better when I can put my ego aside and remember that I love this man dearly (no matter how much of an egghead he's being).

So that's my long saga. Today, I am grateful for my relationship with my man. It seems to reflect all the scary, difficult stuff. It also gives me a safe place to land and a place to nurture the best in me - sometimes it's a struggle, but who better to struggle through it with me, than my best friend? (I'm tearing up a little now, and realizing that that is the stuff of romance!)