in a rut

I've been feeling dormant lately. Spring is slowly arriving here and with it I feel the pull towards more activity. The mister is still waiting to hear if he's got a new job. The waiting makes us crazy, neither of us are very good at it. We get cranky at each other as we try to remain hopeful. I daydream of a different schedule for our family, one that includes meals together while the sun is up and time for leisurely walks together in the evening.

I've been judging myself lately for being out of balance. Not eating healthy or exercising regularly. I think about struggling with a routine but realize that with or without a routine, it's balance I'm after. It seems to elude me still - although I feel I'm getting closer. I wonder what a perfect day in my life would look like. I continue to work willy-nilly on creative endeavors. I seem to lack momentum or commitment in these areas. I think I want more accountability and set it up for myself then blow it off.

I'm not sure how to finish this post. I've re-read it a few times now. I sound whiny. Feeling stuck in a rut of thoughts and daily doings. I'm going off to wander in the world and see if I can't gain new perspective.